Hi, friends. Y’all doing OK?
I know this has been a tough run of late. But we are all in this together. Except, you know, not, like, close together.
I’m not going to give you any great insight on how we are all gonna power through this. Because I’m no wiser than anyone else on the planet, and let’s be honest – the wisest people on the planet are all kinda figuring this out as we go. Because these are unprecedented times. But I did want to perhaps offer you some distraction action to get you through your quarantine.
I figured everyone could use a break from Coronavirus information today, so I figured I’d lighten the mood and share with everyone about the time I got stuck at the top of a Chick-fil-A playground.
We may be late to the party, but we have finally joined the Instant Pot club.
I know that plenty of folks are waaaay ahead of us on this front. But we were … busy … or something.
For those of you non familiar with Instant Pot, it’s a brand of pressure cooker. There may be others, but that’s the only one I can tell you off the top of my head. Also, I used to think it was called Insta Pot, but I guess I was shortening it because that’s what we cool kids do.
Those of you who have read my column for a while know that one of my recurring themes is my loathing of rogue shopping carts left in parking lots.
And I appreciate all that you have done to help stem the tide of this menace. And while the battle against non-returned shopping carts is not yet won, it is clear we have the high ground. We are legion, and we are going to eventually get every used shopping cart to its proper home.
I need jeans. And I’m not looking forward to this journey.
I have one pair of jeans I normally wear – one trusty pair, and they have served their time. I actually have a second pair of jeans, but they are the rattiest things you have ever seen, and are reserved for yard work and such.
As I stood at the base of the waterfall, the cool mist sprinkling over my face, I thought of the centuries of time that had passed as the waters flowed over these very rocks. I closed my eyes and reflected on the steady, relentless consistency of water, unfazed by time. And then I thought, “If I slip and fall here, I will have an incredibly bad day, as that water is really cold, there are lots of rocks out there, and my phone is in my pocket.”
I received an email the other day from a company I have a subscription with. The subject line was “Payment Declined.”
Like many of our bills, this one is on autopay, so it just gets processed each month. The subject line told me fairly clearly that this one did not get processed.
Things I will never truly understand:
- How film cameras work.
- Why the other people in my house can’t put shoes back where they belong.
- Why people don’t merge when the gigantor digital sign spanning the interstate very clear says, “Left lane closed ahead ½ mile. Merge right.”
You have two choices in life. You can be Allie, or you can be let’s call her Sally.
This Allie is not my daughter Allie, although being her can also have benefits, such as spontaneously bursting into song or finding joy in the littlest things in life, such as texting me excitedly about seeing the latest Wonder Woman trailer.
Not to sound hyperbolic, but I have accomplished the two greatest plumbing successes the world has ever known.
I base this on the fact that I did two very minor plumbing repairs that (a) only required two trips to the hardware store and (b) did not result in having to call a neighbor for assistance (or, worse, an actual plumber who needs to be paid actual dollars).