Categories
Home improvement

Hitting the ceiling

Here’s a fun redecorating trip for anyone wanting to make their home feel like a tropical getaway – cover every bit of the inside of your house in plastic, wait for the air conditioner to then break, and voila! The inside of your house feels very much like the tropics – temps in the 80s and 800 percent humidity. Hey, I never promised you tropics with an ocean breeze.

Categories
Home improvement

In sink

I am pleased to say I can now turn on the hot water in my kitchen without using a pair of pliers.

I had been operating in this capacity ever since I made the mistake of attempting to turn off the water one day, and snapped the handle off clean. I tried several times to reattach it, but with no success. While most people would think the next, obvious thing would be to replace the faucet, I did the slightly lazier thing, which was to grab a pair of pliers so that I could turn the nozzle when the need arose. Perhaps I was utilizing my long-trusted medical strategy of ignoring things and hoping the problem miraculously fixes itself.

Categories
Family Home improvement

Rake rake

My wife and I have always had two levels of cleaning. I clean. She clean cleans.

I do what I would, I guess, is what the base level of cleaning most people do. Meaning I put up dishes, sweep the floors, maybe mop, etc. This is just the starting round for her. She has to go to clean clean level. That includes such things as scrubbing baseboards, which is something my wife is very big on. She loves some clean baseboards.

Categories
Home improvement

Feeling trashy

I froze in my tracks when I saw it. There it was. Perfection that eluded us for so long. I pulled out my phone and took two quick pictures and sent them to my wife. I knew – I just knew! – she would be just as excited as I was about this kitchen trash can on sale at the store.

Categories
Home improvement

Magic carpet ride

Here is my current station in life: My main bathtub is filled with old high school annuals, photo albums, a box with all my shoes, and wrapping paper. There is a parakeet in a cage in my guest bathroom. My guest room bed is disassembled and leaning against a wall, and is also where my home office is where I have worked remote for much of the last nine months, so my desk is currently wedged in a small open space where my chair barely fits since the bed now takes up the place where my office used to live.

Categories
Home improvement

Toilet humor

If you were to present me with a choice of getting some extensive dental work or doing some minor plumbing home repair, I would need to get back to you after a lot of thought on which to choose.

Of all of the home repair things that can face a homeowner, plumbing is by far my least favorite of all tasks. Dealing with anything electrical would be at the top of the list, but since my wife has already made it very clear there is no need for me to ever even attempt such repairs, I don’t even have to consider that an option.

Categories
Home improvement

A plumb job

Not to sound hyperbolic, but I have accomplished the two greatest plumbing successes the world has ever known.

I base this on the fact that I did two very minor plumbing repairs that (a) only required two trips to the hardware store and (b) did not result in having to call a neighbor for assistance (or, worse, an actual plumber who needs to be paid actual dollars).

Categories
Home improvement Uncategorized

The lawn ranger

I’m not quite ready to declare I have won the war, but I definitely feel like I have won some major battles.

For the first time in years, I have a front lawn.

It’s beautiful. Thick, plush and growing like crazy. Even neighbors passing by have commented about how my lawn looks great.

Categories
Family Home improvement

Couch your answer

Some two decades ago, prior to getting married, my wife and I went through the ritual of picking out dishes. And, because she is a saint, she structured the process thusly: She spent hours looking for plates, knowing that my main criteria for plate is “holds food.” Upon identifying three possible patterns, she brought me into the mix, asking if any of the three were especially preferred or, more importantly, especially offputting.

Categories
Home improvement

Dishing the dirt

Now, I am no dishwasher expert, but I am fairly certain that when you run your dishwasher, the dishes at the end of a cycle should be clean, and not covered in a disgusting film.

I made this lovely discovery the other night when the dishwasher finished and I opened it up. I took out the first mug and thought, “Hmm. That’s gross. I don’t think I’d want to drink coffee out of that.” And I put it back in the sink, assuming it was an anomaly.