Take me out to the ball game

I just attended my first Major League Baseball game in almost 25 years.

You must be thinking, wow, Mike, you are clearly not a baseball fan.

Au contraire.

I am a huge baseball fan. My first job ever was before I was old enough to work, and the owner of a baseball card store near my house figured out a way to game the system and, rather than pay me to work, let me have store credit if I “volunteered.” At the end of each week, he would tally up my volunteer hours and gift me a store credit. One week, my entire pay … I mean, gift … was a single baseball card, a 1980 Topps Ricky Henderson.

Phone emergency

People. We need to talk. I need you all to listen to me. Hey. Seriously. Hello? You there. Put down your phone. You can’t read this and listen to me. Not you, sir – you’re reading this on your phone so clearly you can keep reading. Obviously I’m not talking to you. You, ma’am. Yes. You. With the paper in your left hand. Put down the phone and just listen to me for a moment.