Month: April 2018

Road trip!

I have recently completed a road trip with my kids, and I can safely say it included the perfect amount of buffalo slobber.

This road trip was done over their spring break, and we set off on a whirlwind tour of roadside attractions and off-the-beaten path adventures, which is really the only way to spend spring break.

It was just the kids and me, as we realized too far into the drive that we had left my wife back home. Either that or she was in Omaha on a business trip. I can’t remember.

Our first stop was the Wild Animal Safari in Pine Mountain, Ga. As is often the case, I didn’t tell the kids where we going, as I love to see the looks on their faces when we arrive at a destination. The Wild Animal Safari is just what the name says. You drive your car through this great big rolling field, and feed buffalo and Texas longhorns and wildebeests as they mosey up to your car and occasionally stick their giant heads in through the window. Fun fact: buffalo have horrible breath AND copious amount of slobber, some of which was distributed into the car interior and my kids courtesy of a well-timed sneeze.

After the safari, our next stop was the Little White House, the retreat for Franklin Delano Roosevelt. At the entry, there is an FDR mannequin in a wheelchair, complete with his dog Fala. Neat, we thought. When we got to the actual house, there was another mannequin in a wheelchair on the front porch. And then the mannequin lifted his hand and started perusing the brochure he was holding, because it was actually an older gentlemen (who sat remarkably still) waiting for his family to finish the tour.

Our next stop was at the Lunch Box Museum in Columbus, Ga., which is, without a doubt, the single greatest museum ever created. With thousands of lunch boxes on display, it is an amazing walk down memory lane, especially if you’re a child of the 70s or 80s. Happy Days, ALF, Six Million Dollar Man, Holly Hobbie. You name it, chances are it was there. There was also one lunchbox that featured “The Exciting World of Metrics,” apparently designed for the kid who wanted the Fast Pass to an awful elementary school existence.

The next day we made our way to Macon, Ga., where we stopped at a place

called Reboot Retrocade and Bar, which has dozens of old-time arcade video games and pinball machines, each costing just a quarter. Draft beer and some Galaga on a Tuesday afternoon? Don’t mind if I do.

Fortunately, kids are allowed in the bar in the afternoon, so mine were able to experience life in an 80s arcade. Minus the draft beer, of course.

Our final stop was at the Museum of Aviation in Warner Robins, Ga. If you’re ever passing through, I highly recommend you stop in and walk through the history of aviation and see some amazing aircraft, including an SR-71 Blackbird, which may be the coolest plane ever built. I’m talking Six Million Dollar Man mailbox level cool.

We hit a few other spots along the way, sometimes just pulling off on the side of the road because we saw something interesting, such as an abandoned football stadium or a hunting and fishing store called The Funky Skunk. We also caught up with some old friends along the way, which is always a treat.

Upon arriving home, we all agreed it was a quirky and cool road trip, the kind we love to embark on. Maybe next time we can remember to take my wife.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, he now lives in Mt. Pleasant. You can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike or at www.mikeslife.us.

Family

Remote out of control

It was your typical family Friday night. You know, the one where you are lying on your back under an overturned couch, a knife in your hand, while barking, “No! Keep the flashlight shining there!”

It all started when my daughter made the critical mistake of trying to change the channel on the television. We cut the cord about a year ago, and we have two remotes. One is for the TV, where we watch over-the-air channels. The other is for our Amazon Firestick. My daughter was sitting on the couch and reached for the remote, and in the process, proceeded to knock it down into the couch cushion. When she went to retrieve the remote, she did the opposite of retrieving it, and instead pushed it down into the nether regions of our couch that apparently feast on remotes.

Time to go into full on recovery mode. After my wife, son, daughter, and daughter’s boyfriend all tried to find the remote, it was time for the real pro to come in. Step aside, amateurs. Hero has arrived.

Yeah, hero didn’t find a thing.

We kept probing various parts of the couch, trying to find where the remote could have hidden. Nothing. Although we did have the super fun time where my hand got stuck inside the bowels of the couch as a couch spring latched on to my wedding ring. Once I got my hand free, I opted to make the rest of the recovery mission wedding ring-free.

I told my wife we needed to tip the couch over so that we could access the couch from underneath, and that would easily reveal the remote. She looked at me with a look she often gives me.

We tipped the couch, leaning it on its front part. On the underside of the couch there is a black fabric. All we need to do, I told my wife, is tear off the fabric and boom – remote would present itself.

My wife informed me that we could not just tear off the fabric, and also reminded me that this was a new couch. I told her that, sure, we could tear off the fabric, as we would just staple it back. I went to the kitchen and opened that junk drawer that everyone has, and retrieved a stapler. We had this conversation:

HER: That won’t work.

ME: Sure it will.

HER: Don’t you have a big stapler out in the garage?

ME: This will work.

So, let’s fast forward about 30 minutes to when I’m at the hardware store, having realized that (a) a junk drawer stapler won’t re-attach fabric to a couch and (b) my stapler in the garage is broken.

When I got back to the house, we began to pull apart the fabric, giving us a clearer view of the underside of the couch. Nothing there.

I peeled back more and more fabric. Still nothing. But, I could get my hand in more places and probe a little deeper into the nooks of the couch you couldn’t see.

And then, after exploring this pocket and that pocket, boom. Jackpot. I felt the remote. But I could just feel the edge of it. Despite my efforts, I could not grab the remote.

Time to tilt the couch. Shift it a little to the left and the remote would no doubt be right there.

Apparently, we tilted a little too much, as it jumped into a new hidden cavern of the couch, one where I could touch it, but still not get a hand on it. The problem was there was more fabric blocking my hand. How much interior fabric does a couch need!?!?!

So I made the executive decision of getting a knife from the kitchen and cutting away the fabric that was impeding progress. My hand still couldn’t get in there, so my daughter took a stab. After a few tries, success. Remote retrieved.

She was very pleased with herself, as she should have been. And anyone who knows my daughter can absolutely hear her voice when she made this comment, as she proudly held the remote up high: “Yay, me! I ruined the day AND saved it!”

Indeed you did, child Indeed you did.

Uncategorized

(Don’t) back that car up

There are a lot of things people enjoy that I just don’t get.

For example, I don’t understand why new pop music is so popular, despite my daughter’s affinity for it. (I’m more of a The Police guy.)

I also don’t get why new country music is popular, despite my wife’s affinity for it. (I’m more of a George Strait guy.)

And I have no idea of the appeal of new rap, despite my son’s affinity for it. (I’m more of a Run-DMC guy.)

So, what we have learned is that I have diverse music taste, and harumph at new things. But it doesn’t bother me if other people like those things, because, hey, you be you.

I try to live my life in a manner in which I try to do the right thing in life and hopefully have a positive impact on the world. If other folks are doing things that aren’t necessarily my cup of tea, then fine, so long as it doesn’t have negative impact on others.

Which is why I’m having a tough time with folks who back into parking spaces.

It makes no sense to me. It takes way more time than just pulling in normally. And sure, while you may be able to zoom on out of your parking spot when you are ready to leave, the amount of time it takes you to navigate into the spot in the first place is way more than the amount of time it takes you to back out into a wide-open parking lot. I can confirm this is true, because I once timed this with a co-worker. Despite my very scientific findings, she refused to concede the normal way was more efficient.

But no harm, right? After all, how did it actually affect me if she backed in? It didn’t.

But then a couple of instances happened where folks backing into parking spaces DID impact me, which leads me to the conclusion that, if you are going to back into your spot, you’ve got to give in on a few items.

First off, you can’t get mad at me because you passed a spot and I pulled into it. This happened recently when my family and I were heading to dinner. A car was in front of us and cruised on past an open spot. I swung on in and parked the car. As I got out, the driver, his car still in reverse, made a comment to me that somewhat impugned my character. He put the car in drive and zoomed off, backing into a spot a few yards away. I approached his car, and when he got out, I said, “Hey, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t realize you were backing into that spot.” His response was less than warm.

Second, you can’t hold up the flow of traffic to back into a spot. This happened at the grocery store recently. I was the middle car in a pack of five heading into the lot. There was a stop sign, and I was about five feet short of being able to turn into an open spot that the first two cars had passed. As traffic started to move, I went to turn in. The car in front of me pulled up a few feet, and then put the car in reverse. We were both about equal ways into the spot when she saw me, paused for a second, then waved, put the car in drive and headed on for greener parking lot pastures.

So at least she got that I had claim on that spot. But it really never should have been an issue. Cars behind you? Don’t even consider backing into a spot.

I know this may seem like a petty thing. But it’s the little things in life you can do that make the world better. If we all just try and keep the world moving forward in a positive direction, it will all be good. And at the end of the day, we can kick back, relax, and listen to a really diverse playlist that includes The Police, Run-DMC and George Strait. But none of that new stuff. Harumph.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, he now lives in Mt. Pleasant. You can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike or at www.mikeslife.us.