Month: May 2018

A note from Mike: Here where I live, in Mt. Pleasant, SC, we’ve had a bit of an issue with some infrastructure, as a major bridge has been shut down for repairs. It’s one of the major arteries here in town, and it has made driving, well, a bit of an adventure.

Not sure if you’ve heard, but there has been a little bit of a traffic snafu of late.

My normal seven-minute commute to work on day one of Bridgeageddon took about 40 minutes.

It appears we will be in this quagmire for at least a month. To that end, I ask all of my fellow motorists – in fact, any motorist facing a collective traffic calamity – to remember this one, important thing: We are all experiencing the same thing.

Traffic is bad. It’s going to be bad. It will eventually get better. But for now, we have to live in the moment together, and the best thing we can do is for each of us to accept our little allotted portion of misery, and not try and alleviate your share at the expense of others.

What I’m saying here, folks, is you’re not going to beat this mess. You’re only going to make it worse if you try and outsmart the system. This system cannot be outsmarted. It can only be muddied. So a few thoughts on some Do’s and Don’ts over the next month:

DO: Stay in your lane, unless you have to get over to turn at your destination.

DO NOT: Decide you are in a race, constantly shifting lanes and trying to get ahead, as not only are you really making things worse, you are making everyone around you dislike you, and let’s face it – that’s not good for your karmic energy.

DO: Check traffic maps and other resources before you set out on your destination.

DO NOT: Check traffic maps and other resources while on your route. Also, don’t text and drive. Ever. For one thing, you and I both know what the text says. And sending, “I KNOW, RIGHT? LOL!” is not worth hitting the car in front of you.

DO: Relax. Like I said, we’re all in this together.

DO NOT: Lay on the horn and scream at someone who is doing something such as changing lanes, even if you think they are in violation of the earlier Do Not. Let karma take care of that.

DO: Download a nice podcast to listen to.

DO NOT: Crank up your favorite pump-you-up playlist. Trust me, a healthy dose of good music is good for the soul, but when Tom Petty’s “Runnin’ Down a Dream” comes on and you’re sitting in traffic, it’ll just make you sad.

DO: Go to the bathroom before you leave.

DO NOT: Even think about what other people in cars around you who have to go to the bathroom are going through. It must be awful.

DO: Have your passengers be teenagers who will listen to music, sleep, etc. when they are stuck in the car.

DO NOT: Forget that, if you have teenagers, they were once toddlers, and keep those parents with toddlers in your thoughts, as undoubtedly, there is someone having a very bad ride.

DO: Have air conditioning.

DO NOT: Postpone getting your air conditioning fixed three months ago, because you’ll have plenty of time to get it done before the weather gets warm. And yes, I’m looking at me.

DO: Listen to what the police officers directing traffic tell you, and follow their directions.

DO NOT: Argue with them, disregard them, ignore them. They know better than you about the traffic flow. They’re here to help. Don’t create a Live PD segment in the middle of this mess.

DO: Listen for sirens.

DO NOT: Have your music so loud that you do not hear sirens, thus stopping an emergency vehicle from getting to their destination, which most likely is way more important and urgent than yours.

DO: Be understanding if folks heading to meet you get gummed up with traffic and throw off planned appointments.

DO NOT: Use traffic as an excuse when you know darn well you were just late.

DO: Put your shopping carts up.DO NOT: Ever forget that I will work that message into any column I can.

Happy motoring!

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, he now lives in Mt. Pleasant. You can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike or at www.mikeslife.us.

 

My wife and I have always tried to be on the same page in a very proactive manner when it comes to parenting.

Some of these are serious topics, such as disciplining children. Others are not so serious in the grand scheme thing of things, such as how long you will let your son’s hair get, even if he is approaching Cousin It levels.

Fortunately, we had agreed upon the “His hair, his call” prior to our son going roughly two years without a substantial haircut.

I say “substantial” because over the last two years, he has gotten two modest trims, but that was mostly to clean up the unbridled mass that was accumulating on his head.

I have never had long hair. I just never wanted it long. The closest I ever came was in college, when I just went a few months longer than I should without a haircut because I needed to spend my money on more important things, such as bee….textbooks. Textbooks. And other school supplies. Yeah. That’s it.

But I am not one of these dads who demands a Johnny Unitas-style haircut. (Obligatory Simpsons reference: “There’s a haircut you could set your watch to.”)

So his hair grew. And grew. And grew. Eventually, he got to the point where he was on occasion wearing it in a ponytail, which, again, his hair, his call.

Fortunately for him, the hair kinda worked for him. It gave him a bit of a surfer-dude look, and it fit his personality rather well.

But then one day he came home and said, “I want to get my hair cut.”

My wife and I both said, “Um, OK…”

We entered this with some trepidation because during the previous trim-ups, he had some serious buyer’s remorse over even getting is cleaned up, telling us he wished he had never gotten a haircut.

So I sat down with him and had that father-son talk that my dad and I never had to have: “Son, if you do this, it’s all on you, and I don’t want to hear you complain about it after your ponytail is gone.”

For this haircut, my wife and son had to make a special road trip. Our son trusts one person and one person only to cut his hair, Amber. Amber began cutting my wife’s hair years ago, and she still drives back to where we used to live to get her hair done. She cut Parker’s hair a few times, and he has decided that Amber is the only one qualified to engage his locks. And I don’t blame him, as Amber is, without a doubt, awesome.

They headed out on a Friday, gearing up for an early Saturday morning haircut. When the deed was done, my son looked like an entirely different person. And he looked like his head weighed 12 pounds lighter.

When they got back later that day, he was beaming and said he loved his haircut, and that it felt great. I can only imagine what is must feel like to have the equivalent of a Cocker Spaniel removed from the top of your head, so I assume it really feels nice.

I have no idea if he will grow his hair out again, and quite frankly, I maintain that’s his call. I like my hair short, but if he wants it long, knock yourself out. It took him awhile for his hair to get as long as it did, so if ever wants to go back to Ponytail Town, he’s got some work ahead of him. But again, his call. Granted, if he wants to go the other direction and take it a step further, I can always give Amber a picture of Johnny Unitas and tell her to make it happen.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, he now lives in Mt. Pleasant. You can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike or at www.mikeslife.us.

 

So if you’re a big movie fan like me, I have some advice: If you are planning on seeing a blockbuster movie, and can’t make it until Sunday of opening weekend, you should take all of your electronic devices, lock them in a safe, and avoid looking at them until after you’ve seen the movie.

I base this on the fact some people are simply terrible and love spoiling a movie twist. Because they are terrible.

The most recent example of this is “Avengers: Infinity War.” My kids and I go to all of the Marvel movies, usually on opening weekend. My wife does not go to these movies with us, because she went to one with us, “Spider-Man: Homecoming,” and fell asleep during it, and a nap at home is much cheaper.

I have gotten adept at avoiding spoilers, as I use the aforementioned safe starting on Thursday.

Alas, my kids’ phones are essentially appendages and cannot be easily removed. As we were driving to the theater, my son made the rookie mistake of looking at his phone. I could tell by his body language something bad had happened.

“It’s spoiled,” he said.

At that point, I went against my first instinct, which was to lecture him about why checking texts or Snapchat or anything else was a bad move, as that was really not going to help things.

Instead, I said, “Well, maybe it’s someone just being a jerk making up stuff. Don’t let it ruin the movie. Also, don’t tell me what the spoiler is just in case.”

We got to the movie and settled into our seats. We ordered our usual: Large popcorn and a large root beer. We get the large because you can get refills. My daughter’s boyfriend was with us, and I told everyone to dig in to the popcorn so we could get a refill. Being the naive young lad he is, he doubted that we would be able to power through a large popcorn before the movie started. Silly boy. Never doubt the popcorn consumption powers of a group of Gibbons.

Fast forward to two-and-a-half hours later, and it turns out the spoiler my son had read was not in fact, correct. In some ways, that’s even worse than actual spoilers. If you’re just serving up straight lies to upset people, you really need to do a personal audit of yourself and find out why that brings you joy. And then you should never do it again.

That said, I do think there is a time limit for how long you have to go before you keep certain details holed up only to be discussed in the safest of places. But, there comes a time when, if you haven’t seen, say, “The Empire Strikes Back,” it’s kind of on you. (Spoiler alert: Yoda is Han Solo’s step-brother.)

For me, I’ll give it a month. I mean, there are enough people who have seen the movie by now that if I really need to talk about it, I can find plenty of folks in my house alone. Also, I can talk freely about it with my wife, who will politely smile and nod as we tell her about the movie, even though she has no idea what we are talking about.

There are several big movies coming up that my family (well, three of the four) will want to see. And we we will once again be faced with the challenge of avoiding spoilers. I am convinced that after the Avengers near-miss, my son will be on high alert prior to them. Hopefully, he will put his phone in my metaphoric safe, and focus on the one thing we should prior to the movie: Powering through that popcorn.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, he now lives in Mt. Pleasant. You can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike or at www.mikeslife.us.