Month: June 2018

How about this heat?

I’m not sure if you’re noticed, but it’s hot.

Crazy hot.

Unncessarily hot.

Stupid hot.

Why? Because it’s June and I live in South Carolina.

I have lived most of my 45 years in the South. I spent a year in Michigan as a toddler too young to remember what cold is. I spent a year in Northern Virginia as a seventh grader with no recollection other than snow, because middle schoolers – in particular Southern ones – are impervious to heat, and only form weather memories when snow falls. I can vividly remember all of the snows of my childhood. Hardly remember a moment of heat, save for the time a friend and I decided we’d drive to the pool in the car with the windows rolled up and the AC off in the middle of summer to see how refreshing the water would feel. Fun fact: high schoolers sometimes have questionable judgment.

I began really taking note of the heat once I got out of college. I took a job in Orlando right out of college, and it does its part in making summer miserable along with the rest of its Southern city brethren.

And I began taking note of this because I quickly became hyper aware of how much you can become a hot, sweaty mess if you are wearing a long-sleeve shirt and tie and have the audacity to try and walk from your car to the office in the summer.

Don’t get me wrong. I still love the outdoors, and I don’t avoid being outside just because it’s hot. But there is a line in the sand I now draw when it cranks up to 95 with 8 billion percent humidity.

My son got to experience that line recently when we met up with my dad at his cabin in the woods. We wanted to go up and spend some time visiting, and maybe catch a few critters along the way. I told Parker beforehand that we would get up early and make the hour-and-a-half drive so we could enjoy the land while the heat was not oppressively punishing. I told him he would stay until around lunchtime.

We got out there early and hiked for a bit, finding a few critters here and there. My dad said he had a tree that had fallen across the creek, and needed a second set of hands to help get it moved. Parker set off to do some fishing, while my dad and I took a jon boat upstream to attack the offending tree.

When we arrived at the tree, I moved to the front of the boat, and took a chainsaw to part of the fallen tree. After about three minutes, I had cut the tree, and we were able to then move the remaining part that was blocking the channel.

When I returned to my spot at the back of the boat, I noticed two things: (1) It looked as if I had actually gotten in the creek to do my work, as my clothes were soaking wet and (2) After about three minutes, the metal on the back of a jon boat gets REALLY hot.

When we got the boat back to the cabin, Parker was still enjoying fishing, and had also enjoyed an occasional dip in the creek to cool off. I told him I was going to change clothes, and we would be leaving soon, as it had gotten hot and nasty. He remarked that it felt fine to him, as we standing chest-deep in cool creek water. Yeah, pack up, dude.

Before we know it, the summer will be over, and we will be enjoying our cool fall temps that we all love. In the meantime, I will just keep on keeping on. And perhaps I can figure out a way I can work chest-deep in a creek for the next few months.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, he now lives in Mt. Pleasant. You can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike or at www.mikeslife.us.

Adventures Family

Flying is for the birds

My daughter, Allie, and her boyfriend, Tyler, were getting ready for their first airplane trip together.

They were going to see his family in Ohio, and while Tyler probably wouldn’t admit it, I think he was fairly nervous about it. This was his first flight since he was 8, a flight he doesn’t really remember.

Understandable that you would have some nervous tingles. I’ve flown plenty of times, and I still get a smidge of anxiety before heading into the skies. After all, you are kinda doing something that, while quite safe and consistent, is something that kinda seems like a great big gamble.

My wife flies a good bit for work, and she’s a pro at packing and prepping and navigating the entire process. She took the lead in getting them all ready to go, giving them checklists and pointers as we went. I assisted by providing snappy one liners. For example:

MY WIFE: Do you have your ID? Boarding passes downloaded on your phone? Phone charger? Computer charger? Got movies downloaded to watch?

ME: Remember, if you see someone at the airport you know named Jack, do NOT shout, “Hi, Jack!”

MY WIFE: Sigh.

She sighs a lot.

The day prior to the flight, we were talking about what to expect. My daughter has flown several times, and she is also someone who never gets nervous about anything except school exams. I could sense Tyler was a little apprehensive about the flight. I assured him that flying was plenty safe, and that it would actually be a fun and cool experience. He jokingly said, “What happens if a bird hits the plane?”

I responded, “Simple. Your pilot lands it on the Hudson River.”

Fast forward to the day of the flight. We got to the airport in plenty of time, and they had their bags checked in no time. They headed to security, where my daughter for some reason had been selected for TSA pre-check, which means she got to take a fast pass through security. Tyler headed off to the regular check. We told them we would hang out and make sure they made it through security. Allie breezed through. Tyler, after about 20 minutes, was at the front of the line. It was at that point we realized Tyler was going to go through the big scanner, where you stand in this cylinder, raise your hands, and they look for whatever it is they look for. That was the moment I realized we had missed a great opportunity. My wife and I had this conversation:

ME: We really should have told him the scanner only stings for a little bit.

MY WIFE: Yep.

Once they were through, we waved them off to their gate, and my wife and I set off to the grocery store, because that’s the kind of gangster life we lead.

As we were finishing up shopping, my wife’s phone rang. She answered, listened for a moment and said, “WHAT!?!?”

The airline they were flying only has a couple of routes, so each flight has to wait on the airplane to return from said destination before they can all pile in and defy gravity. And the plane that was going to be shuttling them to Cincinnati? Yeah, it hit birds. Enough birds that they were not going to be flying out that day, and they would have to be rescheduled for the next day.

Their flight the next day made it out fine, and they have since returned home safely.

But reflecting on the whole journey, of all the things that could have gone wrong with a flight, I am rather amused that it was the one thing Tyler was worried about. Also, I really thought they were supposed to land on the Hudson River when that happened.

Uncategorized

Workin’ at the car wash

As the old saying goes, “Nothing reveals a man’s character like when the car wash is broken.”

Wait, that’s not an old saying?

Well, it should be.

The other day, my family was out of town, so I was left to my own devices. I do what I normally do when I am left at home alone, which is try to relax on the couch and watch some TV, which is impossible because all I end up doing is going through a list of all of the things I could actually get done. Also, our dog, Maddux the Stoic, usually insists on sitting either right in front of or on top of me, so I usually abandon the idea rather quickly.

After compiling my mental checklist of to-do items, I set off to be productive. Fix the sliding glass door that was apparently manufactured by a company called Infuriatingly Frustrating Door Products? Check. Start laundry? Check. Walk dog just far enough so the heavens can open up and soak us both? Check.

One by one, I finished my tasks. I then went to the last task, which was to take my car to the car wash and give it a nice good cleaning inside and out.

My go-to car wash place is one of those automated places that runs your car through a big box that shoots water and soap and for some reason has a rather cool light show during the wash.

Post-wash, you can use their free vacuums to get the inside all nice and pretty.

As I pulled into the wash, I saw a sign blocking the entrance, saying it was temporarily closed. However, there was a staff member standing there. I rolled down my window. He said to me, “Just down for maintenance for a minute. But you can go ahead and use the vacuums.”

No problem, I thought. I’ll just do it in the reverse I normally do.

I pulled into a spot and began vacuuming my car. Hey, fun fact: You know those signs that are posted at these places that say, “No loud music”? Yeah, they also mean no blaring your talk radio, guy parked next to me.

After I finished up vacuuming, I saw that they had removed the sign, and the wash was back open. I backed out of my spot and pulled up to the payment area prior to proceeding into the wash. And then I looked over my shoulder and saw one car – a car that arrived after me and pulled into the vacuum station – drive out of the facility, foregoing the wash part, and heading on the down the road.

And this is where his character was revealed. He had come there to get a car wash and pay a few bucks for a car wash and a vacuum. The staff there was kind enough to keep the vacuums open while they fixed things. But the implication was certainly there that we would make good on our original intention of giving them real, actual dollars for their services.

That dude? Nope. Free vacuum! Woo-hoo!

Now, there is certainly a possibility that he had every intention of going through the car wash, but he had just gotten a phone call about an emergency at home that he had to tend to. I put that chance at .01 percent.

More than likely, he just felt like he totally won that day because, hey – free vacuum!

And that stinks. Because if it continues and ramps up even more, what is the car wash company going to do eventually? Realize people are just taking advantage of them and just shut it all down.

So, the next time you are presented with such a kindness from a business, do the right thing. Because remember, like the old saying goes…