I am not a shoplifter.

Quote number 4,236 that I never thought I would utter to my children: “Try not to look like a shoplifter.”

Yes, there are plenty of things you end up saying to your kids that you never, ever imagined you would have to say in life. For me, those include, “Get the possum off your sister,” “Laffy Taffy is not dinner,” and “Why did you put mud in your ears?”

Rules of the road

My daughter has had a learner’s permit for about four months now, which means I have said, “WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” more times in the last four months than I have in my previous 43 years combined.

In fairness to her, that was mainly in the first month, when I getting used to riding shotgun with her. She is progressing nicely, and I am sure that her mother will be ready to ride with her easily within the next few decades.