February 2020 – Mike's Life

I need jeans. And I’m not looking forward to this journey.

I have one pair of jeans I normally wear – one trusty pair, and they have served their time. I actually have a second pair of jeans, but they are the rattiest things you have ever seen, and are reserved for yard work and such.

But my usual jeans are my go-to when the weather is cold. I usually wear a coat and tie to work, but the moment I get home, I change into my casual clothes. When it’s warm, I go for shorts, a t-shirt and sandals. But we occasionally get cool temps here, so I have to have my jeans at the ready. The moment I get home, I slide into comfort and enjoy a nice cozy evening.

Alas, their time in service is coming to a close. Oftentimes, jeans start to get threadbare and begin a slow march to disintegration. But this was not the case.

My jeans are still of hardy stock in most areas. But one weakness has presented itself, and I am afraid it is a fatal flaw.

I noticed it the other day at the grocery store. As I was shopping, I went to glance at my list while standing in the produce aisle. I try and make a list and stick to it religiously. Otherwise, I will go to the store for milk and bread, and come up with a trunkload of groceries because, hey, we should make a cake!

As I unfolded my list, the paper tumbled out of my hands and onto the ground. I bent over to pick up the list, and heard the so unpleasant sound of the back of my pants splitting open.

I did the natural reaction, which was to put my back to the wall (actually, more accurately to the broccoli bin) and assess the damage.

I reached back and felt a tear at the left pocket. It was about five to six inches long. I was wearing a T-shirt, and it mostly covered the tear.

But just mostly. I decided to bail on the shopping trip and get home post haste.

Once I was home, I proceeded to survey the damage more closely. This was not good. Not something I could just stitch up and be good as new. This was a fatal tear, and appeared to be one that would continue to grow with each wear. I began to envision myself wearing not jeans, but flowing ribbons of denim trailing behind me. It was not a pretty vision.

So I begin on a quest for new jeans. I have had these jeans for years, as is probably reflected in their fashion. But I don’t particularly care about fashion in my lounging about clothes. If I’m comfy, I’m good.

I will begin the journey by stopping at various clothing places and trying on umnpteen pairs of jeans, each having just a hint of something that annoys me. And then I will loudly announce the price of the jeans in an outraged shock, to which my wife will say, “Yeah, those are $20 and that is super cheap for jeans.”

I will keep shopping until I find the perfect pair, the ones that fall into place just like my old ones did. I know that may be an elusive find. But I will keep plugging away, until I find the new jeans. Or at least until it’s warm enough I can switch back to shorts in the evening.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, you can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike.

Do go chasing waterfalls

As I stood at the base of the waterfall, the cool mist sprinkling over my face, I thought of the centuries of time that had passed as the waters flowed over these very rocks. I closed my eyes and reflected on the steady, relentless consistency of water, unfazed by time. And then I thought, “If I slip and fall here, I will have an incredibly bad day, as that water is really cold, there are lots of rocks out there, and my phone is in my pocket.”

Thanks, brain. Always there to drop a note of treacherous potential in the most serene moments.

I tried to flush the slipping concern out of my head and get back to enjoying the waterfall. I was there with my son, and he was busy crawling around on rocks with a flashlight, looking into crevices trying to find salamanders.

We were in North Carolina, where we had traveled for a couple of days to tromp around and look for salamanders and waterfalls. Yes, oddly specific.

My son loves finding critters, and keeps a “life list” of his animal finds. He is most proud of his reptile and amphibian list (current species total: a pretty impressive 145), and is always looking to expand that species count. He identified an area that is rich with salamanders, so we decided to set off to see what we could find.

We had a great time and found some wonderful waterfalls and super cool salamanders. But, of course, we also had some interactions with people. So, a few observations:

Why would anyone feel the need to yell at a waterfall? And I don’t mean yell while at a waterfall. I mean AT the waterfall. As in screaming directly to the waterfall to see if you could be louder than it. Yet, there they were, two college dudes, screaming. At a waterfall. They paused to share a laugh together.
We have discussed this previously, but if you’re gonna bag your dog business, you’ve entered into the contract. Don’t leave your bag on the trail.
Apparently people travel to western North Carolina for Valentine’s. Who knew. Originally, we were going to stay at a friend’s cabin. But we ended up meandering around and wound up fairly far away after sunset. We were exhausted, and just wanted to find a place to crash. And nearly every hotel near us was booked. After the third, “We’re full” I asked if there was a festival or something. The woman at the hotel said, “Uh, it’s Valentine’s weekend.” Oh. I guess that’s a thing. I know what you’re thinking – my wife is one lucky gal.
There is a particular restaurant near the hotel we stayed at that has some serious drama going on. My son and I sat at the bar and quickly learned we were at Ground Zero for all the things going on in that place. It’s as if we were invisible, and the entire staff was congregating to talk about everything going on at work. And it was complex. I was texting my wife updates throughout dinner, up to and including when “Erica is doing the thing she always does,” to which the whole crew rolled their eyes. That’s just so Erica.
If you hike near places that have rocks, can you please do this one simple thing: Don’t. Stack. Rocks. I know you think it’s harmless. But there are tons of critters that live under those rocks. Even the small rocks. You’d be a little bummed if you came home and found out some giant had stacked eight houses in your neighborhood on top of each other, in particular if one of those homes was yours. So, you know. Be cool. Leave their homes alone.

All in all, we had a great trip and saw lots of beautiful things over two days. I am looking forward to our next field trip, so we can get out there and really take in the serenity that nature provides us. And hopefully not slipping into a creek.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, you can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @StandardMike.