Categories
Childhood Family

I want to ride my unicycle, I want to ride my … unicycle

Prior to becoming a parent, there are plenty of sentences I had never uttered. In fact, I had never even considered saying plenty of them, including:

“Do not feed your brother crayons.”

“Take the underwear off your head.”

Categories
Childhood Family

Choose wisely

Remember that scene in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” when the bad guy, Donovan, has to choose which one is the Holy Grail?

You don’t? Well let me refresh your memory. The knight guarding the Holy Grail (among scores of other goblets) tells Donovan, to “choose wisely.” He picks the wrong one, drinks from it, and, instead of eternal life, he ages instantly and is quickly turned into a pile of dust and bones. (Yes, I know Elsa actually chose the goblet, but isn’t it really his responsibility at the end of the day? Oh, and also, spoiler alert.)

Categories
Family Home improvement

Couch your answer

Some two decades ago, prior to getting married, my wife and I went through the ritual of picking out dishes. And, because she is a saint, she structured the process thusly: She spent hours looking for plates, knowing that my main criteria for plate is “holds food.” Upon identifying three possible patterns, she brought me into the mix, asking if any of the three were especially preferred or, more importantly, especially offputting.

Categories
Uncategorized

Wreck yeah

If there is one thing my family can attest to, it’s that I am fantastic with lectures on driving safely. They’ve heard them all. The perils of texting and driving. Why following too closely is a fool’s errand. And don’t get me started on blind spots.