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Bedtime stories

My wife and I are shopping for a new mattress, and I have to say, bed technology has made some big strides since the last time we bought one.

We’ve had our mattress for probably 20 years, which is way longer – like more than double the time – of a recommended mattress lifespan.

When we bought it, I think we went the fairly traditional way to buy one:

  1. Go to one of what seems like way too many stores in your area.
  2. Start lying down on bed in the middle of a showroom while other folks do the same thing in something that without context must look really weird.
  3. Realize you’ve tried out about a dozen mattresses and you can’t really remember which was one which.
  4. Shrug and tell your wife, “Look, just get whatever one. Can we go?”

But this time I vowed to have a little more patience, partly because one of the many reasons we are getting a new bed is my back. I have some back issues, issues which have led my orthopedist to say that my spine is “chronologically much older” than I am. I do not think that is a compliment, like referring to a precocious child.

In an effort to offset said back issues, I have been going through various physical therapy channels. My wife, however, has also suggested two other changes: (1) new shoes and (b) a new mattress. I told her beds are really expensive, and, sorry, but there just aren’t magic shoes out there. And then I got a couple of pairs of what apparently are magic shoes. OK, they aren’t magic. They’re just super cushioned and what runners wear. Once I conceded the shoes were helping, I said we could move on to the mattress.

My wife suggested we should get an adjustable bed. I was familiar with these, but I had some concerns. For one thing, what if I wanted my feet up and she didn’t? What if she wanted to stay propped up watching tv, and I didn’t? Talking to me like you would to a very non-precocious toddler, she explained both sides adjust independently.

We went to a store and tried a few out. These actually felt a whole lot better than our current mattress, which in comparison to these new ones feels like a lumpy sack stuffed with old pillows. (OK, it’s not THAT bad.)

The sales guy was also showing me all of the add-on features – cooling technology, vibrating massage, and bluetooth. Going back to my basic self, I said, “Yeah, do you just have it in ‘bed’ style, but where you can still put your feet up?”

The split king also presented a surprise plus for us, as my wife and I found two pretty different firmnesses that we preferred. Which either means one of us or both of us has been sleeping on less than our ideal firmness of mattress for two decades.

I was pretty impressed and was really good to go with the first place we stopped. “So what does this run us?”

Let’s just say the downpayment on our first house was less than this.

We decided to keep shopping and see what other options are out there. My wife did remind me a couple of times that prices have, in fact, gone up a smidge in the last 20 years, and that we also are not buying a plain ol’ mattress. It was her diplomatic way of saying, “Quit being a cheapskate.” 

After about five stores, we are pretty sure we have narrowed down what we want. My wife has done some comparison shopping and has found us a deal that doesn’t make me wince. Of course, if the bed has the same magical healing properties as the shoes, it will be well worth the cost. And the big pain moving forward will be thinking about how I waited so long to get it.

Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken, S.C. and now lives in Mount Pleasant, S.C. A graduate of the University of Alabama, you can e-mail him at scmgibbons@gmail.com.

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