Clearly, the powerful lobbyists behind boiled water are not going to like this column.
I know what you’re thinking – you’re thinking I’ve been spending too much time with the permanent marker.
But hear me out. I base this bold assertion on the fact that I discovered you can make hard boiled eggs without actually boiling them.
This may seem like a minor thing. But think about it – for decades, we have been slaves to the boiled water routine of making delicious hard boiled eggs. That’s a nice way of saying we’re kinda lazy sometimes, and the idea of schlepping out a pot and boiling a pot of water is kinda taxing on our already full schedule of posting to Facebook and watching Wheel of Fortune.
But there must be some other reason why it took until 2013 for the masses to begin to find out there was a really simple way that didn’t involve boiling anything. I’m not sure how Big Boiled Water benefited from our kitchen routines, but I am not one to dismiss a conspiracy just because it is wholly irrational.
I found the recipe while visiting the aforementioned Facebook. Someone posted a link to a recipe for cooking hard boiled eggs that did not involve boiling, but rather baking them. I suppose that would make them hard baked eggs, but I think their current name is too ingrained to change.
My son and I are both hard boiled egg enthusiasts. My wife and daughter are not. My wife ranks hard boiled eggs up there with tuna fish and malaria on the list of things she does not want to be around. So when we do make the eggs, we often do it when the female half of the household is out.
Such was the recent night when I said to Parker, “Wanna make hard boiled eggs, but without boiling them?”
He responded, “Well, they wouldn’t be boiled then…” I tried to explain to him name branding, but just eventually told him to go with me on this.
The recipe was simple: Preheat an oven to 325. Place each egg in a cup of a muffin tin. Bake them for 30 minutes and then transfer the eggs to a bowl of ice water for 10 minutes.
We followed the directions to the letter. My son was in charge of both setting the oven and selecting the cups in which to place the eggs. We were only cooking five eggs, but to watch his seriousness in placing the eggs, you would have thought some of the cups were rigged with weight-sensitive explosives.
After 30 minutes, the buzzer went off. I retrieved the muffin pan and put the eggs in water. “That’s it?” Parker asked. That’s it, my boy. That’s it.
Ten minutes later, we were both peeling an egg, adding a dash of salt, and tossing back a delish snack.
Now I am sure that some of you are asking what the big deal is about boiling them. The big deal is two fold: (1) I didn’t have to mess with boiling water, which occasionally sends scalding water droplets directed right at my exposed flesh and (2) the conventional wisdom has always told us that this is the way you do eggs. What else have we been doing one particular way, just because that’s the way it’s always been done? How will our worlds be opened up to do things the non-traditional way?
I’m pleased to have this new approach at cooking eggs at my disposal. Not only did I find it far easier and less time and resource consuming, but it also let me break free from the shackles that the boiled water industrial complex has used for so long to keep me tethered to the ways of the past. I have broken free from my chains and am free to make my eggs the way I want to!
I am willing to face the consequences for my rebellion. I will stare down those who say, “Hard boiled eggs MUST. BE. BOILED.” I will continue on my bold path to kitchen freedom and explore new ways of doing things. I mean, as soon as I post something on Facebook and watch Wheel of Fortune.
Mike Gibbons was born and raised in Aiken. A graduate of the University of Alabama, he can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.