So my family was at a restaurant the other night. We were situated in a booth, strategically arranged as usual so that (a) my two left-handed kids had free reign to swing their eatin’ arms and (b) there was no brother-sister under-the-table leg kicking capability. (Team Gibbons getting situated at dinner often looks like a well-choreographed dance. We’re fun that way.)
Category: Uncategorized
When did you first see him?
When did you first see him?
It was, I’m pretty sure, 1980 for me.
When I was a kid, Christmas morning was always celebrated in our living room. In my parents’ house the staircase that leads down to the first floor is next to a wall that separates us from our Christmas bounty. The third step was key – no descent past the third step.
Saying goodbye to an old friend
Farewell, noble warrior. Your service will never be forgotten.
Alas, today I bid adieu to a trusted family member who was always there to make sure our family was complete. Goodbye, coffee maker.
The last time I owned a pair of expensive sunglasses, I’m pretty sure there were two Germanies.
I was in high school, and I saved up around $100 to buy a pair of really nice sunglasses. They were Bollé brand, and anyone who just Googled that brand for his column can tell you that “Bollé is a world leader in the manufacture and sale of technical glasses, goggles and helmets for everyday life and specialised sports.”
Car door 1, Mike 0
One would think the simple act of reaching down to pick up your keys would not send you reeling back in pain and create a cascade of blood down your face.
Mainly, you would think that because rarely when you pick up a dropped item do you get your head split open.
Alarming news
Typical phrase you might hear in my house: “Can someone go upstairs and tell Yoda to be quiet?”
Don’t get me wrong. I would love to have the actual Yoda just chilling around the house being part of our everyday life, saying things like, “Dinner ready, it is” and “Walk dogs, I will.” But this particular Yoda only speaks in high-pitched beeps. Mainly because he is an alarm clock.
The execution of Jerry McWee
Originally published in the Aiken Standard, April 22, 2004.
On Friday, I sat in a small room with seven other people and watched a man die.
The execution of Jerry McWee was carried out with quiet efficiency, and I served as one of three media witnesses who would later relate the details of the execution to other members of the press.
Farewell, oatmeal
Dear Quaker Oats,
It is with a heavy heart that I must tell you that I have decided to see other oatmeal.
No, no, don’t cry. Stop. Listen to me.
We have been together for a long time, some 30 years, by my count.