My kids are 12 and 15, so I’ve been out of the parenting business for about seven years.
Really, if they have learned it by five, what chance do you have?
Ha! Just some bad parenting humor there. I know a parent’s job is never done. I’m 43, and pretty much every time I visit with my parents, I lean on them for some sage words of advice, often which is, “Payback’s tough, huh?”
There are lots of folks who will tell you that “growing pains” are not a real thing.
These are doctors, with years of experience and gobs of research under their belt. The Mayo Clinic even says this on their website:
If there is one thing in life I have learned, it’s that yelling at your server will rarely yield positive results.
I base this on the fact that (a) I have been a waiter before and (b) I’m a fairly decent human.
I’m not sure what hurt my son more: The fact that his sister caught a fish before him, or the hook in his hand.
Oh, wait. Yes, I do. It was the hook. Definitely the hook.
It happened while surf fishing recently. Both of the kids had their fishing poles rigged up and baited with some delicious mullet. I had a blanket spread out on the beach and was prepared to enjoy the sunset and read a book because, let’s face it, the only time we’ve ever come close to catching our limit would be if the limit was zero.
Last week, Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison drew headlines when he posted on his Facebook page that he would have his kids return the “participation trophies” they received. Among his choice words, he said, “While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy.”
If the Foster Grant sunglass company was looking to update their 1970s ad campaign, they could have easily filmed me the other day, along with the modified tagline, “Who’s that behind those Foster Grants? And why is he crying?”
Happy 15th birthday to my Allie-Bear.
I haven’t publicly called my daughter Allie-Bear in a long time, mainly because she threatened never to speak to me again if I did, sometime around a fourth-grade field trip I was chaperoning.
“When the Maiden of the Sea is granted alms, she shall never return them.”
— Ancient mariner saying I just made up
OK, so it’s not an ancient mariner saying. But it should have been, or, at least should be from this point on because I think it sounds a little better than saying, “I went crabbing with my kids and our chair was blown into the water and I didn’t get it back, despite spending 20 or so minutes walking on an oyster bed.”
My wife and I had an evening event to attend recently. Our daughter was going out with friends, leaving our son at home alone.
He’s 12, so he’s plenty capable of being at home alone till 8ish. We set down the ground rules: Stay at home. Don’t answer the door. Call the neighbors if you need them. And please don’t text us 435 times asking “When are you coming home?”
It was one of those rare moments when all three legs of the modern shopping experience stool played nicely together – clerk, customer and clueless customer who maybe doesn’t quite have the grasp of lines.