It was one of those rare moments when all three legs of the modern shopping experience stool played nicely together – clerk, customer and clueless customer who maybe doesn’t quite have the grasp of lines.
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Category: Adventures
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The mystery BZZZZZ
It is an unsettling feeling to come home and find there is an intruder in your home. Especially if it buzzes constantly and loudly.
I first encountered this intruder when I got home from work the other day. My family wasn’t home at the time, so the lone occupants of the house should have been two lazy dogs, asleep in their beds.
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Decision time
Sometimes, you find yourself at a crossroads: You must dig deep into your hardwired soul and decide — is it time for fight or flight?
Do you dig your heels in and wage a to-the-death battle, or do you slink away and hope to disappear into permanent anonymity?
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Eel before me
Few things in life bring you joy like a headless eel.
Well, I guess I should clarify. If you are my son, few things in life bring you joy like a headless eel.
Readers of my column have gotten to know Parker and his many nature exploits. He loves nothing more than spending time outdoors, catching critters and observing nature. When I was his age, I was much like him. With one small difference.
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The dangers of phones. And bears.
When our species begins to decline in numbers, I do not think it will be due to environmental degradation or war or bears.
Those issues are certainly things to stay up all night worrying about, perhaps in a fortified bunker in your basement. And if you think bears aren’t a concern, remember that they can outrun us, outclimb us and outswim us. And we’ve spent decades teaching them how to ride bikes. We’ve created a potential monster.
Clearly, I need to brush up on my Spanish.
While I would never say that I was fluent, I took several years of high school and college Spanish, and at one point I could probably limp my way through a Spanish conversation.
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Gone fishin’ (not catchin’)
Should you be concerned with overfishing throughout the world, I can safely assure you of this: It’s not my family’s fault.
I can prove this by the fact that, since my kids have gotten new fishing poles, we have caught exactly the same number of fish had we asked them nicely to join us on the dock.
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Armadillo 1, Parker 0
It was your typical father-son conversation.
MY SON: Dad, I’m stuck.
ME: Can you reach the armadillo?
MY SON: Not quite.
It all started the other night at my parents’ house as we were sitting on the back deck enjoying the evening. Behind my parents’ house are some woods that admittedly may not seem large now, but seemed huge when we moved there when I was four. They are at least big enough for me to have gotten lost in them as a child, a fact that my family still finds funny to this day.
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New laws for a better world
I know most Americans think that we have enough laws in this land. We have more laws, regulations, statutes and mandates that we can even comprehend.
And so a common refrain is that we have too many laws, a cumbersome, layered system in which the last thing we need are NEW laws. And to that I say, we may have too many laws. But we do not enough of the CORRECT laws. As we continue to add law after law after law, we have failed to pinpoint a few key areas in which we, as a nation, must ask — nay, demand — that our lawmakers put aside their petty differences and step up for the greater good immediately. Below are some instant changes that will make my…er… our world a better place, and I know that there is not a decent American among us who would disagree.
It’s an amazing fact that I am able to write this column after the Old Man and the Sea battle I have waged with a shark that can only be described as school bus size.