Those of you who have read my column for a while know that one of my recurring themes is my loathing of rogue shopping carts left in parking lots.
And I appreciate all that you have done to help stem the tide of this menace. And while the battle against non-returned shopping carts is not yet won, it is clear we have the high ground. We are legion, and we are going to eventually get every used shopping cart to its proper home.
I need jeans. And I’m not looking forward to this journey.
I have one pair of jeans I normally wear – one trusty pair, and they have served their time. I actually have a second pair of jeans, but they are the rattiest things you have ever seen, and are reserved for yard work and such.
As I stood at the base of the waterfall, the cool mist sprinkling over my face, I thought of the centuries of time that had passed as the waters flowed over these very rocks. I closed my eyes and reflected on the steady, relentless consistency of water, unfazed by time. And then I thought, “If I slip and fall here, I will have an incredibly bad day, as that water is really cold, there are lots of rocks out there, and my phone is in my pocket.” (more…)
I received an email the other day from a company I have a subscription with. The subject line was “Payment Declined.”
Like many of our bills, this one is on autopay, so it just gets processed each month. The subject line told me fairly clearly that this one did not get processed.
Things I will never truly understand:
- How film cameras work.
- Why the other people in my house can’t put shoes back where they belong.
- Why people don’t merge when the gigantor digital sign spanning the interstate very clear says, “Left lane closed ahead ½ mile. Merge right.”
You have two choices in life. You can be Allie, or you can be let’s call her Sally.
This Allie is not my daughter Allie, although being her can also have benefits, such as spontaneously bursting into song or finding joy in the littlest things in life, such as texting me excitedly about seeing the latest Wonder Woman trailer.
Not to sound hyperbolic, but I have accomplished the two greatest plumbing successes the world has ever known.
I base this on the fact that I did two very minor plumbing repairs that (a) only required two trips to the hardware store and (b) did not result in having to call a neighbor for assistance (or, worse, an actual plumber who needs to be paid actual dollars).
Note from Mike: This column was first published in 2013. My kids are now both teens and well beyond this stage. But I hope it either still rings true for you, or has a new special meaning for those who maybe didn’t have ones at this stage six years ago. Merry Christmas.
I had never been hunting in my life until last weekend.
I have nothing against hunting. I know plenty of folks who do it, and I have often enjoyed what they have brought back. It’s just not my thing.
I have made no secret over the years that I don’t know much about cars.
I mean, I can do the basics, such as jump start a car or change a flat tire. But when it comes to most things under the hood, beyond refilling wiper fluid, I’m pretty much worthless.